A long time has passed between drafts. Partially due to large overhauls in reemerging/redesigning the project's framework, narrative and story boarding. Partially due to emphasis on writing/producing other parts of the project. Either way, changes to the document below reflect three central evolutions: aesthetics narrative and characters. This is second evolution of the desert scene in Chapter 4 with my current reflections in red as well as comments made my project advisor Mary Sweeney in blue.
Modification of document posted as January Chap. 4 - the desert, Original Outline 8/12
Original Background/Purpose and Change
less focused on plot intricacies and more focused on emotional register Originally, this was the conflated space (memory, dream, past) where James finally tells Luke about Jesse and the two come to an understanding that feels redemptive. However, now that both men feel partially responsible and Luke seems worse for wear in general, I’m not sure when to put this scene...Originally it also happened after Jesse’s death, but now I’m thinking their needs to be more contrast between the relationship with the characters who are older/younger. Therefore, an aspect of this scene needs to feel less heavy. Making all aspects of the project too heavy might induce more melodrama than we want;). ALSO Unfortunately, we are now unsure of what footage/dialog we can use for scene 1&2. That makes this scene very hard to plan as its counterpoint. Admittedly, I’m at a crossroads here, this is why I made the character recap to ground myself.
less focused on plot intricacies and more focused on emotional register Originally, this was the conflated space (memory, dream, past) where James finally tells Luke about Jesse and the two come to an understanding that feels redemptive. However, now that both men feel partially responsible and Luke seems worse for wear in general, I’m not sure when to put this scene...Originally it also happened after Jesse’s death, but now I’m thinking their needs to be more contrast between the relationship with the characters who are older/younger. Therefore, an aspect of this scene needs to feel less heavy. Making all aspects of the project too heavy might induce more melodrama than we want;). ALSO Unfortunately, we are now unsure of what footage/dialog we can use for scene 1&2. That makes this scene very hard to plan as its counterpoint. Admittedly, I’m at a crossroads here, this is why I made the character recap to ground myself.
Amount of Dialog is going to be a big decision...standard short film section rather than our hybrid form so it might work better, but we still want to stay away from too much exposition and diatribes. I’ve written some literal discussions just to get stuff down. We are leaning more towards minimal dialog on James’ end. This is especially true because we need to figure out what’s usable in chap. 1 and where the reader will compare the characters and the change that occurred. Notes in bold take into account the plot changes from this semester. May also refer to how old scene was modified or places i’m looking to add new content.
New Background/Purpose (maybe similar but with more Jesse? and contrast between younger old selves)
The desert is still a conflation of memory and fantastic elements of James’ desires. It is an
interlude that extends from falling through the water from the bridge to waking up in the sand. It is an interlude from the literal/symbolic bridge demolition process of his guilt and ghosts (particularly, those that hover over his relationship with Luke). There should be a quiet peace and sense of closure at the end, in contrast with the (hopefully) tense Chap1 scenes where the men have grown distant. By reshaping how he remembers the past, James can begin to forgive the present of his relationship with Luke as well as his own role in the events that overshadow them both.
Time Frame:
The desert is still a conflation of memory and fantastic elements of James’ desires. It is an
interlude that extends from falling through the water from the bridge to waking up in the sand. It is an interlude from the literal/symbolic bridge demolition process of his guilt and ghosts (particularly, those that hover over his relationship with Luke). There should be a quiet peace and sense of closure at the end, in contrast with the (hopefully) tense Chap1 scenes where the men have grown distant. By reshaping how he remembers the past, James can begin to forgive the present of his relationship with Luke as well as his own role in the events that overshadow them both.
Time Frame:
Part Jame's actual memories (90s) and part present day processing of these memories (with a blend of southcal). The tour of duty in Operation Desert Shield/Desert Storm is over for most members of the 18th. Jame's specific training is no longer needed. Yet, despite difficult conditions he signs on to stay under Luke for Operation Provide Comfort. Part to make sense of the weight visited on them both in the bombing, part due to codependence. As members of an engineer battalion, both men are expected to function in multiple capacities. Not only must they work towards the civil development/planning of refugee camp 1 in Zakho, but they must also go into the desert hills for receiving drops/supplies from landing zones in the middle of Kurdish Guerilla territory. Muscle was often required for supplies to not become contraband; though most drops were quite boring. This is the first time they have been alone
together with nothing to occupy their minds besides the unexpected bombing in Dharan barracks.
Character Recap
James before bombing-More dependent. Looks up to Luke as a mentor. Craves the family that
Jesse and Luke represent. More absorbed in interpersonal problems between the three, then in
the background context. Not fully aware of his precarious safety in the war.
James after bombing-Closure has been reached on the fate of his mom, but the reality is not as
a big a blow as the symbolic loss of the surrogate figure in Jesse and Arlene’s scrapbook. Lost
like a child again, but paradoxically more mature because he realizes he is physically vulnerable
and life is largely chance. His feelings toward Luke are no longer restricted primarily to envy,
admiration and adoration. He begins to recognize Luke as having occasionally acted shallowly,
rashly. Luke is faulted, but then again so is he. But faults and all, Luke is what is left to him and
is a link to a period of time he is still trying to resolve, make sense of. He needs camaraderie at
a time when he is still floating.
Luke before bombing-Young and Powerful. Feeling of Invincibility. Effortlessly projects the alpha
male. Movements are sleek, fluid, attractive. Feels at the top of his game and clearly loves the
commanding role. Has a charisma that inspires loyalty. Very charming and makes an effort to
keep the atmosphere light. Exterior may hide some of his other traits. At best he is shrewd,
tactical, perceptive. At worst he risks being eclipsed by his ego.
Luke after the bombing: Shattered “gold-boy” self-perception. He realizes that he is powerless
against chance and begins to feel vulnerable. This vulnerability leads to insecurity but he has
become somewhat adept at keeping up the appearance/performance of his former identity.
He is able to do this best when he feels like he has complete control over a situation. He
experiences panic attacks when faced with uncertainty. He has become directly responsible for
at least one death and could blame himself as indirectly responsible for Jesse.
He needs James to still be the weaker persona in order to feel confident and reclaim his former
identity. At the same time he has a new admiration for James (and frustration at James) for
his ability to be alright with showing vulnerability directly. He steps into the fatherly/helpful role
james establishes for him, but both recognize it as a contract that helps them maintain control or
an equilibrium on their relationship when so much has changed around them. In Luke pt. 2 there
is a whole explanation of his psychology after the war.
Jesse: We really like the actress and want her to feel like a more fleshed out character than a
body here. I’m going to attempt to add that in below. This will also service the character better.
It begins with the transition from water to sand after drop from bridge. Sensation of floating and
Vertigo. The key is to come to a desert space that feels, barren, solitary, meditative. A mindscape, almost empty, a little dazzling, a little melancholy. It is possible that (in accordance with
the watery environment he has just come from) that the whole atmosphere may have a slight
dragging/slow underwater “feel” to it. I really like the imagery of James just walking along an
empty stretch like the salton sea as composited oil fires occasionally burn backwards in the
distance. ]
If? Should? we have internal text at this point, Danny. We last talked about just shooting it
straight like a section from a short film?
[At first, James awakens to the sensations of his body. His consciousness gradually comes
to the forefront and quickly accepts his location as natural. He doesn't question his right to be
there and becomes absorbed in the place. He is walking through a desert like landscape that
is a conflation between N. Iraqi and Southern California (both kinda close actually in some
of the northern hill regions of Zakho). There is a sense of emptiness. Some low-lying scrub
surrounds him. Apart from the general wasteland, the periphery and horizon occasional oil fires
burn backwards as he walks on. They are spaced in a way to render the landscape somewhat
magical-real. Perhaps, the fires have the illusion of burning backwards. Or parallel in some way
the aesthetic of the fire that the book emerges from at the end. Also younger James and Luke
might have minor injuries recent scars from the fire. Physically/mentally a bit worse for wear]
Dusk Now think this moment would be better in the pivot scene chapter. Going to move it
there and keep the original structure of the desert scene how we have it ...similar...
James walks along a makeshift path in hills of desert brush. EWS-Very wide shot. He comes
upon a makeshift camp with a small fire and lean-to houch. Wide shot. There is other debris
scattered around the camp to make it look like it has been lived in. Jesse leans against a post
watching the early morning sky. Luke with weapon out is resting on the ground. His head is
propped on her leg. The quiet moment between Jesse and Luke is interrupted when James
arrives. Jesse shakes her leg to knock Luke’s head off. Luke doesn’t budge, but turns his body
to Jamesas he approaches
L: How'd it go?
James: Never showed.
Jesse: cowards.
Jesse reaches into her milo pouch and procures a pastry MRE. She begins to eat the pastry
as she and James watch the sky(weather shot). Luke watches Jesse intently. (cut into extreme
close-up of crumbs on Jesse’s shirt. Luke reaches into grab a crumb (cut back to Luke). He eats
the crumb and looks at Jesse in seductive challenge
L: thought we were sharing?
Jesse breaks off a piece to hand to James.
J: We are.
James fumbles with the pastry and gives a chunk to Luke. The three sit and watch the sky
together surrounded by the emptiness of the desert and the few debris/details of their makeshift
habitation. James appears relaxed between them.
---Mid DayLIKE THIS SCENE A LOT.
[James enters a makeshift clearing. A small tent or lean-to and debris: packs, canteens and
standard issue gear are signs of habitation. Luke, 15-10 years younger, squats at the center
of the clearing studying a light/thin map/diagram/chart. James stops and watches Luke before
approaching. Luke looks up at James before quickly looking back down.
Luke: (eagerly)How did it go?
James: (attempting to find a seat) they never showed.
Luke:seriously. it’s been two days.
James shrugs. Luke attempts to fold the map, but his efforts are rushed and careless.
Luke: whatever.
Luke abandons the map at his side. It begins to stir and move across the compound in a light
breeze. James catches it before sitting indian style across from Luke
purposely parallels first scene
James: You’re in a mood
Luke: (shrugs) hate waiting
Silence as James clears the ground in front of him of debris. James carefully smooths the map
out and obsessively folds along its original folds making sure to crease and flatten it at each
step. With his head resting in his hand, Luke watches James with mild exasperation.
Luke: Do something useful.
James pauses and looks flatly at Luke. Luke softens his tone.
Luke (CONT’D) I mean, I need to do something useful.
James: Thought you said there was nothing to do but drink and burn ants?
Making of Dakota fire Pit
Luke rises and walks a circle diameter of 8 feet at the center of camp. His eyes are closed and
his pacing is deliberate, almost dance like. James watches Luke warily. Luke stops in the center
of the territory he just marked out and bends down to pick up a sliver of dry brush. He drops
the brush and watches it skirt across the landscape. Luke bends down and traces a line in the
direction that the brush was blown. Placing his palm on the ground, he also traces a 11 inch
circle (Hole A) around his hand. Following the direction of the line Luke draws a smaller hole 12
inches from the first (Hole B). Luke stands and wipes his palms on his pants. He reaches into
his pants to pull out a knife. He walks toward James and flips the knife stabbing it into Hole B.
Luke: (taps hilt of knife in Hole B with foot). Might as well join me.
James rises and anchors the map with a rock. The two men circle the 10ft clearing opposite
from each other until Luke stops near Hole A and James near Hole B.
J: Is this an invitation?
L: No orders out here.
Luke puts on gloves and begins to dig Hole A until it is one foot deep with sand piled around
edges. James works 12 inches away. He is using the knife to carve out and dig the air shaft
(Hole B) close to Luke’s working hands. Luke’s hands are getting closer to James knife as Luke
reinforces the sand barrier above ground. There is a particularly careless near miss.
Not sure this should be the dialog, but something maybe close that is an echo or
performance of what their relationship was once like and now they feel uncomfortable by
the sudden proximity and need to call attention to it while simulatenously lightening the
atmosphere/falling back into old routines?
Luke: (trying to lighten the tension) We’re getting a bit too cozy.
James: (looks up with a skeptical and amused glance) Are you hitting on me?
Luke and James resume digging in silence. After a few seconds, the following banter resumes
The tone is friendly, but feels forced and distracted. Both men settle into the manual labor
although they are clearly somewhere else.
Luke: (a snort) Sorry, I like my ladies with less 'stache. The guys at base are gonna
name you Señior, if you don’t shave that damn thing.
James: Señior Auger, got a good ring to it
Luke: I hear there’s a Zakho barber in Camp I.
James: Not sure I want to trust a kurd with shaving my neck.
Luke: Thought we were saving their necks.
James: (without amusement) ha. good one.
James and Luke finish digging in silence.
instead of the above the dialog could be something like this
Luke: (friendly, but forced). So, what's the first thing you gonna do back in
Montana? I know I'm takin' a damn long shower.
James continues to dig in silence.
Luke (CONT’D): and maybe cigarettes. I would like some cigarettes.
James: (absently picking at the knife). Are you going to Fitchburg?
Luke: Yeah, gonna visit her family, that’s why. . .
James: Why not Montana? it’s nice in Spring. Melting snow floods the Missouri.
Hell, we can kayak right to the door of any bar along the banks.
Luke: We’ll see. Old man’s expecting me; says, he’s got a few job opportunities. .
Luke looks up to consider James
Luke: (CONT’D): Maybe I’ll put in a good word for you.
The two continue to dig in silence.
I THINK I PREFER THE SECOND DIALOGUE…THE FIRST ONE IS TOO SEXUAL, OR
SENDS US IN THAT DIRECTION, WHICH I’M NOT SURE YOU WANT TO DO…THAT
TENSION IS THERE WITHOUT DIRECTING US TO IT.
Luke: Hey Señior Auger, might as well start working now and grab me some tinder.
Point where more dream elements/underwater feeling enters
This is a pivot point where we should think of an interesting way to introduce the Jesse
(in the white dress) presence. Thought of a few ways of doing this, we want it to be very
magical-real where her presence there looms but neither of the men address it. Think we
should indicate a death here that feels more concrete than light on the face. Though not
sure. In the original we have James enter a deeper dream state where the original beer
cooling pits opened up like graves and duplicated into the horizon. Then Jesse’s body is
lying in the grave/pit as they remove beer from around her. There were concerns that that
was a little too cheesy?
I SUGGEST USING ABSTRACT ELEMENTS HAVING TO DO WITH BURNT OUT, OVEREXPOSED SHOTS, OF JESSE, OF THE DRESS, OF ABSTRACT PIECES OF THE
LOCATION YOU WANT TO REPRESENT IN HIS DREAM…THE DESERT AND ALSO THE
WATER POST BRIDGE LEND THEMSELVES TO REFRACTED LIGHT, FLARES, BURN
OUTS THAT CAN CREATE THE GHOSTLY MEMORY OF HER.
Before I can write draft dialog/blocking I need help deciding which of the below models
we should gear to if we bring Jesse back into the equasion:)
Options so far...??
1. As Luke and James scour the clearing for: deadwood, tumbleweeds, tinder, kindling,
fuel...they find Jesse laid out in state. Instead of flowers, funeral bouquets of dead wood
surround her. They break them down around her for transportation back to camp while they
carry on a normal conversation.
2. As the two men talk over building the fire, Jesse enters from off-screen and starts
collecting firewood for them. She stands beside them as they take the material from her arms
without ever really turning towards her.
3. Jesse herself enters off screen and begins to build the fire in the pit with the
materials the boys fetch her. The three may exchange words as material is dropped off.
I PREFER THIS ONE…THEY ALL FEEL LITERAL, AND IT FEELS A BIT LUMPY AND
BUMPY TO HAVE HER BODY AROUND, HAVE SUCH A BODILY PRESENCE…I LIKE
THE IDEA THAT SHE’S THERE, THAT THEY FEEL HER PRESENCE, BUT SHE NEEDS
TO BE THERE IN NOT TOO CORPORAL A FASHION….IN THIS ONE YOU CAN PLAY
WITH HAVING HER WORK IN THE FIRE PIT AND USE THE FIRE TO ABSTRACT IT…TO
CREATE A SENSE OF REAL AND UNREAL AT THE SAME TIME…SO, FOR EXAMPLE,
A SUPER OF A CU OF FLAMES OVER PARTS OF HER BODY, PARTS OF THE SCENE,
FLARES THAT CAUSE THEM TO TURN THEIR HEAD, DID THEY SEE SOMETHING? ONLY
FIRE…
3. Luke makes a comment like “better check on the hootch for the night.” Jesse is
arranged lying down inside.
4. The two men struggle to build a tent around Jesse’s body.
5. Jesse is in the scene with a larger speaking role, but it is clear that she is really
“not there”..what would she be doing? How would she arrive? How would she fit in??
What happens next determines which (if any model we choose from the above)
However I want the tone of the dialog to reference Jesse at least once and maybe sound more
underwater. I want James to dream of a renewed sense of camaraderie between the two men
that leads to a feeling of having found a genuine connection with Luke.
This is all cemented with James getting Arlene’s book back as a physical object. Some ways we
have discussed this happening are
1. Jesse’s presence gives the book back to him (forgiveness/redemption?)
2. He takes it from Jesse’s body (becoming at piece)
3. The book burns into a physical object from out the fire pit and Luke gives the book back to
him as a symbol between the two men.
I’M GOING FOR DOOR # 1! REDEMPTION/FORGIVENESS NEEDS TO COME FROM HER,
NOT LUKE IN MY OPINION. #2 FEELS TOO LITERAL AGAIN.
In the last real-world chapter: James leaves the bridge and walks back to land carrying the book
as a physical object (ideally)
*Originally, I was excited about having some of the lines echo from Chap 1 to this
Chapter.
But!
- In order to plan this out in detail we need to review the footage and decide on what lines to
keep. But the dialog is already so minimal for this to work anyway. Should I attempt this at
this stage with lines like...
Chap. 1: James asks “you good. . . before Luke breaks at the plant
Chap. 4 have Luke ask James “you good. . .
-something like this to show the switch in the dynamic
YES…USING LANGUAGE AND WHAT YOU’VE ALREADY DONE TO SHOW US THE
SWITCH IN THE POWER DYNAMIC IS GOOD. SHOOT IT, YOU CAN ALWAYS LOSE IT IN
POST IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT.
Both: Luke
Harder than they look, It's seen better days, It's the odds I don't trust,
references for DANNY
Can use makeshift tents like this (probably more appropriate)
or erra appropriate tents? (not sure where to get one)
http://prestonm.com/military/gulfwar/history/432_pg25.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgKptxfCiZw
http://survivial-training.wonderhowto.com/how-to/build-hide-campfire-from-your-enemiesdakota-fire-pit-0116303/ = zombies
together with nothing to occupy their minds besides the unexpected bombing in Dharan barracks.
Character Recap
James before bombing-More dependent. Looks up to Luke as a mentor. Craves the family that
Jesse and Luke represent. More absorbed in interpersonal problems between the three, then in
the background context. Not fully aware of his precarious safety in the war.
James after bombing-Closure has been reached on the fate of his mom, but the reality is not as
a big a blow as the symbolic loss of the surrogate figure in Jesse and Arlene’s scrapbook. Lost
like a child again, but paradoxically more mature because he realizes he is physically vulnerable
and life is largely chance. His feelings toward Luke are no longer restricted primarily to envy,
admiration and adoration. He begins to recognize Luke as having occasionally acted shallowly,
rashly. Luke is faulted, but then again so is he. But faults and all, Luke is what is left to him and
is a link to a period of time he is still trying to resolve, make sense of. He needs camaraderie at
a time when he is still floating.
Luke before bombing-Young and Powerful. Feeling of Invincibility. Effortlessly projects the alpha
male. Movements are sleek, fluid, attractive. Feels at the top of his game and clearly loves the
commanding role. Has a charisma that inspires loyalty. Very charming and makes an effort to
keep the atmosphere light. Exterior may hide some of his other traits. At best he is shrewd,
tactical, perceptive. At worst he risks being eclipsed by his ego.
Luke after the bombing: Shattered “gold-boy” self-perception. He realizes that he is powerless
against chance and begins to feel vulnerable. This vulnerability leads to insecurity but he has
become somewhat adept at keeping up the appearance/performance of his former identity.
He is able to do this best when he feels like he has complete control over a situation. He
experiences panic attacks when faced with uncertainty. He has become directly responsible for
at least one death and could blame himself as indirectly responsible for Jesse.
He needs James to still be the weaker persona in order to feel confident and reclaim his former
identity. At the same time he has a new admiration for James (and frustration at James) for
his ability to be alright with showing vulnerability directly. He steps into the fatherly/helpful role
james establishes for him, but both recognize it as a contract that helps them maintain control or
an equilibrium on their relationship when so much has changed around them. In Luke pt. 2 there
is a whole explanation of his psychology after the war.
Jesse: We really like the actress and want her to feel like a more fleshed out character than a
body here. I’m going to attempt to add that in below. This will also service the character better.
It begins with the transition from water to sand after drop from bridge. Sensation of floating and
Vertigo. The key is to come to a desert space that feels, barren, solitary, meditative. A mindscape, almost empty, a little dazzling, a little melancholy. It is possible that (in accordance with
the watery environment he has just come from) that the whole atmosphere may have a slight
dragging/slow underwater “feel” to it. I really like the imagery of James just walking along an
empty stretch like the salton sea as composited oil fires occasionally burn backwards in the
distance. ]
If? Should? we have internal text at this point, Danny. We last talked about just shooting it
straight like a section from a short film?
[At first, James awakens to the sensations of his body. His consciousness gradually comes
to the forefront and quickly accepts his location as natural. He doesn't question his right to be
there and becomes absorbed in the place. He is walking through a desert like landscape that
is a conflation between N. Iraqi and Southern California (both kinda close actually in some
of the northern hill regions of Zakho). There is a sense of emptiness. Some low-lying scrub
surrounds him. Apart from the general wasteland, the periphery and horizon occasional oil fires
burn backwards as he walks on. They are spaced in a way to render the landscape somewhat
magical-real. Perhaps, the fires have the illusion of burning backwards. Or parallel in some way
the aesthetic of the fire that the book emerges from at the end. Also younger James and Luke
might have minor injuries recent scars from the fire. Physically/mentally a bit worse for wear]
Dusk Now think this moment would be better in the pivot scene chapter. Going to move it
there and keep the original structure of the desert scene how we have it ...similar...
James walks along a makeshift path in hills of desert brush. EWS-Very wide shot. He comes
upon a makeshift camp with a small fire and lean-to houch. Wide shot. There is other debris
scattered around the camp to make it look like it has been lived in. Jesse leans against a post
watching the early morning sky. Luke with weapon out is resting on the ground. His head is
propped on her leg. The quiet moment between Jesse and Luke is interrupted when James
arrives. Jesse shakes her leg to knock Luke’s head off. Luke doesn’t budge, but turns his body
to Jamesas he approaches
L: How'd it go?
James: Never showed.
Jesse: cowards.
Jesse reaches into her milo pouch and procures a pastry MRE. She begins to eat the pastry
as she and James watch the sky(weather shot). Luke watches Jesse intently. (cut into extreme
close-up of crumbs on Jesse’s shirt. Luke reaches into grab a crumb (cut back to Luke). He eats
the crumb and looks at Jesse in seductive challenge
L: thought we were sharing?
Jesse breaks off a piece to hand to James.
J: We are.
James fumbles with the pastry and gives a chunk to Luke. The three sit and watch the sky
together surrounded by the emptiness of the desert and the few debris/details of their makeshift
habitation. James appears relaxed between them.
---Mid DayLIKE THIS SCENE A LOT.
[James enters a makeshift clearing. A small tent or lean-to and debris: packs, canteens and
standard issue gear are signs of habitation. Luke, 15-10 years younger, squats at the center
of the clearing studying a light/thin map/diagram/chart. James stops and watches Luke before
approaching. Luke looks up at James before quickly looking back down.
Luke: (eagerly)How did it go?
James: (attempting to find a seat) they never showed.
Luke:seriously. it’s been two days.
James shrugs. Luke attempts to fold the map, but his efforts are rushed and careless.
Luke: whatever.
Luke abandons the map at his side. It begins to stir and move across the compound in a light
breeze. James catches it before sitting indian style across from Luke
purposely parallels first scene
James: You’re in a mood
Luke: (shrugs) hate waiting
Silence as James clears the ground in front of him of debris. James carefully smooths the map
out and obsessively folds along its original folds making sure to crease and flatten it at each
step. With his head resting in his hand, Luke watches James with mild exasperation.
Luke: Do something useful.
James pauses and looks flatly at Luke. Luke softens his tone.
Luke (CONT’D) I mean, I need to do something useful.
James: Thought you said there was nothing to do but drink and burn ants?
Making of Dakota fire Pit
Luke rises and walks a circle diameter of 8 feet at the center of camp. His eyes are closed and
his pacing is deliberate, almost dance like. James watches Luke warily. Luke stops in the center
of the territory he just marked out and bends down to pick up a sliver of dry brush. He drops
the brush and watches it skirt across the landscape. Luke bends down and traces a line in the
direction that the brush was blown. Placing his palm on the ground, he also traces a 11 inch
circle (Hole A) around his hand. Following the direction of the line Luke draws a smaller hole 12
inches from the first (Hole B). Luke stands and wipes his palms on his pants. He reaches into
his pants to pull out a knife. He walks toward James and flips the knife stabbing it into Hole B.
Luke: (taps hilt of knife in Hole B with foot). Might as well join me.
James rises and anchors the map with a rock. The two men circle the 10ft clearing opposite
from each other until Luke stops near Hole A and James near Hole B.
J: Is this an invitation?
L: No orders out here.
Luke puts on gloves and begins to dig Hole A until it is one foot deep with sand piled around
edges. James works 12 inches away. He is using the knife to carve out and dig the air shaft
(Hole B) close to Luke’s working hands. Luke’s hands are getting closer to James knife as Luke
reinforces the sand barrier above ground. There is a particularly careless near miss.
Not sure this should be the dialog, but something maybe close that is an echo or
performance of what their relationship was once like and now they feel uncomfortable by
the sudden proximity and need to call attention to it while simulatenously lightening the
atmosphere/falling back into old routines?
Luke: (trying to lighten the tension) We’re getting a bit too cozy.
James: (looks up with a skeptical and amused glance) Are you hitting on me?
Luke and James resume digging in silence. After a few seconds, the following banter resumes
The tone is friendly, but feels forced and distracted. Both men settle into the manual labor
although they are clearly somewhere else.
Luke: (a snort) Sorry, I like my ladies with less 'stache. The guys at base are gonna
name you Señior, if you don’t shave that damn thing.
James: Señior Auger, got a good ring to it
Luke: I hear there’s a Zakho barber in Camp I.
James: Not sure I want to trust a kurd with shaving my neck.
Luke: Thought we were saving their necks.
James: (without amusement) ha. good one.
James and Luke finish digging in silence.
instead of the above the dialog could be something like this
Luke: (friendly, but forced). So, what's the first thing you gonna do back in
Montana? I know I'm takin' a damn long shower.
James continues to dig in silence.
Luke (CONT’D): and maybe cigarettes. I would like some cigarettes.
James: (absently picking at the knife). Are you going to Fitchburg?
Luke: Yeah, gonna visit her family, that’s why. . .
James: Why not Montana? it’s nice in Spring. Melting snow floods the Missouri.
Hell, we can kayak right to the door of any bar along the banks.
Luke: We’ll see. Old man’s expecting me; says, he’s got a few job opportunities. .
Luke looks up to consider James
Luke: (CONT’D): Maybe I’ll put in a good word for you.
The two continue to dig in silence.
I THINK I PREFER THE SECOND DIALOGUE…THE FIRST ONE IS TOO SEXUAL, OR
SENDS US IN THAT DIRECTION, WHICH I’M NOT SURE YOU WANT TO DO…THAT
TENSION IS THERE WITHOUT DIRECTING US TO IT.
Luke: Hey Señior Auger, might as well start working now and grab me some tinder.
Point where more dream elements/underwater feeling enters
This is a pivot point where we should think of an interesting way to introduce the Jesse
(in the white dress) presence. Thought of a few ways of doing this, we want it to be very
magical-real where her presence there looms but neither of the men address it. Think we
should indicate a death here that feels more concrete than light on the face. Though not
sure. In the original we have James enter a deeper dream state where the original beer
cooling pits opened up like graves and duplicated into the horizon. Then Jesse’s body is
lying in the grave/pit as they remove beer from around her. There were concerns that that
was a little too cheesy?
I SUGGEST USING ABSTRACT ELEMENTS HAVING TO DO WITH BURNT OUT, OVEREXPOSED SHOTS, OF JESSE, OF THE DRESS, OF ABSTRACT PIECES OF THE
LOCATION YOU WANT TO REPRESENT IN HIS DREAM…THE DESERT AND ALSO THE
WATER POST BRIDGE LEND THEMSELVES TO REFRACTED LIGHT, FLARES, BURN
OUTS THAT CAN CREATE THE GHOSTLY MEMORY OF HER.
Before I can write draft dialog/blocking I need help deciding which of the below models
we should gear to if we bring Jesse back into the equasion:)
Options so far...??
1. As Luke and James scour the clearing for: deadwood, tumbleweeds, tinder, kindling,
fuel...they find Jesse laid out in state. Instead of flowers, funeral bouquets of dead wood
surround her. They break them down around her for transportation back to camp while they
carry on a normal conversation.
2. As the two men talk over building the fire, Jesse enters from off-screen and starts
collecting firewood for them. She stands beside them as they take the material from her arms
without ever really turning towards her.
3. Jesse herself enters off screen and begins to build the fire in the pit with the
materials the boys fetch her. The three may exchange words as material is dropped off.
I PREFER THIS ONE…THEY ALL FEEL LITERAL, AND IT FEELS A BIT LUMPY AND
BUMPY TO HAVE HER BODY AROUND, HAVE SUCH A BODILY PRESENCE…I LIKE
THE IDEA THAT SHE’S THERE, THAT THEY FEEL HER PRESENCE, BUT SHE NEEDS
TO BE THERE IN NOT TOO CORPORAL A FASHION….IN THIS ONE YOU CAN PLAY
WITH HAVING HER WORK IN THE FIRE PIT AND USE THE FIRE TO ABSTRACT IT…TO
CREATE A SENSE OF REAL AND UNREAL AT THE SAME TIME…SO, FOR EXAMPLE,
A SUPER OF A CU OF FLAMES OVER PARTS OF HER BODY, PARTS OF THE SCENE,
FLARES THAT CAUSE THEM TO TURN THEIR HEAD, DID THEY SEE SOMETHING? ONLY
FIRE…
3. Luke makes a comment like “better check on the hootch for the night.” Jesse is
arranged lying down inside.
4. The two men struggle to build a tent around Jesse’s body.
5. Jesse is in the scene with a larger speaking role, but it is clear that she is really
“not there”..what would she be doing? How would she arrive? How would she fit in??
What happens next determines which (if any model we choose from the above)
However I want the tone of the dialog to reference Jesse at least once and maybe sound more
underwater. I want James to dream of a renewed sense of camaraderie between the two men
that leads to a feeling of having found a genuine connection with Luke.
This is all cemented with James getting Arlene’s book back as a physical object. Some ways we
have discussed this happening are
1. Jesse’s presence gives the book back to him (forgiveness/redemption?)
2. He takes it from Jesse’s body (becoming at piece)
3. The book burns into a physical object from out the fire pit and Luke gives the book back to
him as a symbol between the two men.
I’M GOING FOR DOOR # 1! REDEMPTION/FORGIVENESS NEEDS TO COME FROM HER,
NOT LUKE IN MY OPINION. #2 FEELS TOO LITERAL AGAIN.
In the last real-world chapter: James leaves the bridge and walks back to land carrying the book
as a physical object (ideally)
*Originally, I was excited about having some of the lines echo from Chap 1 to this
Chapter.
But!
- In order to plan this out in detail we need to review the footage and decide on what lines to
keep. But the dialog is already so minimal for this to work anyway. Should I attempt this at
this stage with lines like...
Chap. 1: James asks “you good. . . before Luke breaks at the plant
Chap. 4 have Luke ask James “you good. . .
-something like this to show the switch in the dynamic
YES…USING LANGUAGE AND WHAT YOU’VE ALREADY DONE TO SHOW US THE
SWITCH IN THE POWER DYNAMIC IS GOOD. SHOOT IT, YOU CAN ALWAYS LOSE IT IN
POST IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT.
Both: Luke
Harder than they look, It's seen better days, It's the odds I don't trust,
references for DANNY
Can use makeshift tents like this (probably more appropriate)
or erra appropriate tents? (not sure where to get one)
http://prestonm.com/military/gulfwar/history/432_pg25.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgKptxfCiZw
http://survivial-training.wonderhowto.com/how-to/build-hide-campfire-from-your-enemiesdakota-fire-pit-0116303/ = zombies
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