Chapter 4 - the Desert final Shooting Script

EXT. MAKESHIFT DESERT CAMP- EARLY EVENING

At the beginning of this scene James thinks back to various recent interactions with Luke. James’ mind makes memory Luke repeat them until James settles on the one he likes best. His idealized version of their friendship. Scene starts more distant tense and slowly grows towards camaraderie

JAMES, in his 20s and clean shaven with cropped hair, detours from following railroad tracks in the desert into a small ad hoc army campsite. The landscape is a conflation of Southern California and Zakho Iraq during Operation Provide Comfort. A small tent stands among the desert brush. Various camping debris litter the site and give the impression of recent settlement.

LUKE, mid 20s and clean shaven with cropped hair, begins to dig a shallow fire pit in the center of the clearing. Or *TBD fire activity (or setting up tent). Example: James approaches and picks up a small trovell; he bends down and works in concert with Luke to remove dirt from the pit. The tight space makes the effort of James more hindering than helpful as Luke must work to avoid hitting his hands.

Luke and James dig in silence for 20 seconds. James Looks up at Luke. James re-enters the campsite as if coming upon it for the first time. Repeat *TBD fire activity

LUKE

(*TBD)

. . . job pays enough to get your shit together, settle down. I made sure to hire a few of the boys as back-up. You’ll be required to take a second pair of eyes with you. We can’t afford any more liabilities.  All you gotta do is inspect charge placement and make sure she drops cleanly.

James looks up at Luke. James re-enters the campsite as if coming upon it for the first time. Repeat *TBD fire activity

LUKE

(*TBD)

. . . best to lay the TV flat. against the floor or wall and watch for scuffing in the corner. Got any foam or blankets? We can wind the cord around padding and hold it down with tape.. . . Looks good, we might still catch the game.  Speaking of, I meant to ask you: I heard there’s a few company seats left, are you free next Saturday? . . . Actually, shit, I totally forgot I have to drop kid somewhere, let me get back to you on that.

James looks up at Luke. James re-enters the campsite as if coming upon it for the first time. Repeat *TBD fire activity

LUKE

(*TBD)

(friendly reminiscence, humor)

. . .  you turned the shower on halfway and out came this steaming, fruity smell. I swear, you should’ve seen your expression. Even your ass was covered with red kool aid. Like in that movie; those guys must’ve called you “Carrie” for months. Damn, those were some good times.

JAMES

Those were.

[End Loop Cycle -prank conversation may happen during prep]

LUKE

(affectionate reflection on past)

We were such cherries. (pause chuckling) Man, you should have seen your face.

JAMES

I  washed kool aid from my hair for a full week. Never asked you how you pulled that off.

LUKE

Powder in the shower head.

Genius in simplicity my friend, genius in simplicity.

JAMES

(humor, warmth)

Do you remember those guys and the ID-10T forms? I think we had more simplicity than genius at basic.

LUKE

(responds with a short laugh)

Basic is the word. Doesn’t take a GED to be a grunt. (pause)

Remember when we short sheeted the cots before Carlos came back drunk off his ass. It took him 20 minutes to figure out how to get into bed.

JAMES

Hey now, I just supervised.

LUKE

Haven’t seen any of  those guys since my wedding. Heard Keenan has a kid now.

Either at this point or sometime in the above conversation, the fire has been finished and the men relax before it during a few seconds of silence.

LUKE

Meant to ask about the first thing you did, back in Montana. I got home, went upstairs, sat on the bathroom floor and flushed the toilet again and again. (pause) It felt so good.

JAMES

I probably took a shower and signed up for an anti-smoking program or something.

LUKE

(a warm sarcasm)

Yep, those things will kill you.

Pause

LUKE (CONT’D)

(more to himself, reflective)

Sorry It took awhile to call. I got caught up in my dad’s company and things . . . just, got busy real quick.

Jesse enters to sit between the two men and is still as she gazes past the fire into the distance.

JAMES

(shrugs)

You did, eventually.

James pokes the fire. The two sit in silence for a bit.

LUKE

(forcing lightness, a jovial tone, trying to recapture the previous atmosphere)

Hey now, remember when we went to . . .

JAMES

(Interrupts. focusing on the fire)

You went to Fitchburg, right?

Jesse briefly stirs between Luke and James

LUKE

Yeah I did. . . had to. Saw her family.

JAMES

I don’t know what to say. I wanted to go. (Pause) Look just, I mean, just come to Montana. It’s nice in Spring. Melting Snow floods the Missouri. Hell, we can kayak right to the door of any bar on the banks.

LUKE

(closing his eyes, tired)

James.

LUKE (CONT’D)

My old man’s expecting me. Says, he’s got a few halfway good. jobs. I’ll put in a good word. . .

Pause. James turns his head to really look at Luke past Jesse. Luke also looks at James directly.

JAMES

Not your fault.

LUKE

(countering quickly)

Not yours.

All is still. Luke and James look at each other intently as if really seeing each other for the first time. Eventually the tension/self-consciousness gets too much and they burst into laughter. Jesse gently smiles between them.

EXT. MAKESHIFT DESERT CAMP- EARLY MORNING

SCENE transitions to exact same position for Luke and James. The fire is out and Jesse is gone. In the ashes of the fire is Arlene’s book (the scrapbook James kept of his mother that Jesse died retrieving). Luke finds the book while cleaning debris from the fire. [this is a moment of magic-realism where he does not seem surprised]. Luke cleans off the book.

In the daylight the vulnerability and camaraderie of night has diminished. Although it is back to business as usual, a sense of understanding and affection between James and Luke remains.

LUKE

Check in when you get back from the job, yeah? I’ll wait for your call.

vs.

You’ll call with your report right?

vs.

I’ll be waiting for your last report

vs.

I’ll be waiting for your report on the bridge.

Luke carefully returns the book to James and then lingers with his hand on James’ shoulder
[exact parallel shot to present day Luke at oil refinery]

JAMES

yeah, course.

James turns to follow the desert tracks away from camp. Luke is about to say something but clearly hesitates.

LUKE

and James . . . take care.

JAMES

I know, I know.

James leaves the camp and returns to the present through the desert railroad tracks.

END

Chapter 4 - the desert, pre-notes to final script

Due to the nature of the project and the need to adjust it to the form as we go along, it is reasonable that 70% of the plot will be lost and the main effect will be a representation of basic relationships and expressive tone. A post on this and the struggle to balance them will be mentioned above.

Therefore, in creating the final script or plan for how the work will be edited I have to make sure that at least the lowest bar of communication is reached.

Ideally, assume that most of the intricacies will be lost. What are the impressions and fluctuations in tone that will convey the characters without pushing for the plot?

* We must at least focus on the

relationship between LUKE and JAMES as a meditation on the very real authentic trial and tribulations of friendship.

What are the motivations and emotional resonance that pervade their relationship in this scene:

both men are rather in a state of shock and can't/don't really stop to think about what they've lost. This is the first time they have down time together.

Luke needs reassurance. He needs to be told he did everything right. Under an overwhelming sense of loss, j

ames depends on luke's presence to ground him. Likely, these are notes that I must remember myself when I write this scene. However, the necessity of creating a interaction that seems "authentic" will trump in the edit (and in Danny's preference) the expression of these subtleties.

What follows are basic notes to help ground me in creating this scene

Dialog slips between two spaces before they can talk about Jesse at end.

James enters the scene and immediately settles into a physical routine that he and Luke did together. 

What is the physical element they are performing in James mind that helps sink him back into that relationship with Luke?

*

What is the role of Jesse? Is she a very physical presence on the peripheral that both men ignore? Does she cut in and out throughout the scene? Does she seem alive? Is she a body?

1. choices...an action that replays over and over again like both of them folding/unfolding/refolding a tarp..every iteration the conversation changes and gets a little closer to Jesse.

A. James walks into camp. A tent is half set-up. Luke is untangling a large coiled rope or the poles/ropes of a tent. The two men each take an end and converse while untangling the rope..weaving through around each other the conversation. A dim or distant version of jesse circles/walks around the peremeter of the camp the whole time.

B. James returns to camp at sundown and opens the tent to bed down next to Luke. The two talk as the settle in about moving terminology until the conversation extends...jesse's body is lain out in state between them the whole time.

C. James and Luke collect fire wood for the fire. ..after the build the pit at camp...the scene changes to teh vineyard where tehy are among the crosses talking and breaking off pieces for the fire...Jesse can or can not be in the space..the scene returns to camp at the end.

D. similar to what we had before, but are digging sleeping holes. They have one done when James enters the scene to help luke dig the other...same thing with the holes extending outward and Jesse showing up in one for a few frames

E. filling sand bags to make a ring wall around them...they are building a circle structure around themselves as they sit in the midst.

F. a low lying tightrope/closeline has a few items. James and Luke walk up and down it as the balance Jesse between them. They don't acknowledge her.

Chap. 4, the desert, Modified Outline 4/13

A long time has passed between drafts. Partially due to large overhauls in reemerging/redesigning the project's framework, narrative and story boarding. Partially due to emphasis on writing/producing other parts of the project. Either way, changes to the document below reflect three central evolutions: aesthetics narrative and characters. This is second evolution of the desert scene in Chapter 4 with my current reflections in red as well as comments made my project advisor Mary Sweeney in blue. 

Modification of document posted as January Chap. 4 - the desert, Original Outline 8/12

Original Background/Purpose and Change
less focused on plot intricacies and more focused on emotional register Originally, this was the conflated space (memory, dream, past) where James finally tells Luke about Jesse and the two come to an understanding that feels redemptive. However, now that both men feel partially responsible and Luke seems worse for wear in general, I’m not sure when to put this scene...Originally it also happened after Jesse’s death, but now I’m thinking their needs to be more contrast between the relationship with the characters who are older/younger. Therefore, an aspect of this scene needs to feel less heavy. Making all aspects of the project too heavy might induce more melodrama than we want;). ALSO Unfortunately, we are now unsure of what footage/dialog we can use for scene 1&2. That makes this scene very hard to plan as its counterpoint. Admittedly, I’m at a crossroads here, this is why I made the character recap to ground myself. 

Amount of Dialog is going to be a big decision...standard short film section rather than our hybrid form so it might work better, but we still want to stay away from too much exposition and diatribes. I’ve written some literal discussions just to get stuff down. We are leaning more towards minimal dialog on James’ end. This is especially true because we need to figure out what’s usable in chap. 1 and where the reader will compare the characters and the change that occurred. Notes in bold take into account the plot changes from this semester. May also refer to how old scene was modified or places i’m looking to add new content. 

New Background/Purpose (maybe similar but with more Jesse? and contrast between younger old selves)
The desert is still a conflation of memory and fantastic elements of James’ desires. It is an
interlude that extends from falling through the water from the bridge to waking up in the sand. It is an interlude from the literal/symbolic bridge demolition process of his guilt and ghosts (particularly, those that hover over his relationship with Luke). There should be a quiet peace and sense of closure at the end, in contrast with the (hopefully) tense Chap1 scenes where the men have grown distant. By reshaping how he remembers the past, James can begin to forgive the present of his relationship with Luke as well as his own role in the events that overshadow them both.

Time Frame: 

Part Jame's actual memories (90s) and part present day processing of these memories (with a blend of southcal). The tour of duty in Operation Desert Shield/Desert Storm is over for most members of the 18th. Jame's specific training is no longer needed. Yet, despite difficult conditions he signs on to stay under Luke for Operation Provide Comfort. Part to make sense of the weight visited on them both in the bombing, part due to codependence. As members of an engineer battalion, both men are expected to function in multiple capacities. Not only must they work towards the civil development/planning of refugee camp 1 in Zakho, but they must also go into the desert hills for receiving drops/supplies from landing zones in the middle of Kurdish Guerilla territory. Muscle was often required for supplies to not become contraband; though most drops were quite boring. This is the first time they have been alone
together with nothing to occupy their minds besides the unexpected bombing in Dharan barracks.

Chap. 4 - the desert, Original Outline 8/12

This rough pass through the desert scene was first drafted in the summer of 2012. Usual rough draft style consists of a form of "automatic writing" that may extend about 20-40 min. During the next stage, basic typos and grammar are corrected while several details are flushed out more. Eventually a rough draft is formed (usually too literal or heavy-handed). The most important aspect of generating larger scenes is structure. Once a structure of a scene is known, it is easier to determine how or "if" it will work with the initial interface we had in mind for the chapter. An example of this is the POV "eye open/eye close" interface we had for chapter 1. The original script called for an introduction that occasionally had flashbacks where imagery entered the internal world of text. Programming on the interface would not easily allow for the same interface transition between video of an external world and video of an internal world. It is easier to transition between planes of text and planes of video. Therefore, the part of the script calling for video flashback internally may have to move to other spaces of the project where a transition from a thought in plain text could naturally occur. Edits to writing and project mapping like this occasionally interrupt how the narrative has been previously mapped out. In this case, getting rid of this internal world visual flashback would fail to act as a device that foreshadows future chapters and establishes the visual potential of the internal world from the get go. I am concerned that the reader will not have this early clue in the first chapter to ground the character's memories that play such a strong role throughout the novel.

The draft below takes place in James' mind. Months after this draft I have commented on it in red below. It is the idealized type of interaction he wishes he could have with Luke. The atmosphere is a conflated space between past and present. Luke, like the landscape (hills of Southcall + Zakho Iraqui) is both a past/present version of himself as James has remembered or experienced him. This is why we have elected to film this scene in 3rd person. To show James imagining his own role in the fantasy of their interaction. Now that the characters have legitimately evolved from this early version, it will be interesting to see the comparison between the final script and this one. Several notes exist where I address Danny or keep formal records to help myself remember and process the material.

Chap. 4 - The desert. Story Archive, main purpose

This post will begin the process of making the creation of the desert scene visible from what existed of its conception as of Summer 2012 to its final shooting script. At a later date I will also post what notes remain of the evolution of Chap.1


These are Author's Notes taken from a document I made for myself in Oct. 2012 and commented with story progression as of April 19th. I will use these notes and reflections to help block out the new iteration of this scene.

Filming Chap 1&2: Lessons Learned: Cinema Production Conventions at Odds with Our Form.

Danny's POV rig for canon 7D

Just wrapped on the first fast-paced weekend on the set of Penumbra . Our first shoot was a product of many factors including time constraints and the effort to find what works using experimental methods. A constant question we struggled with was the polish of POV. It is hard to get right, to feel "authentic" as a frame of vision (especially when filmed in portrait). Often it reads as amateur; however, in viewing the footage on the device it was intended for (the ipad) it somehow feels more appropriate than simply reviewing it on the laptop screen. This shouldn't be surprising, but I am still working on accurately articulating why this is. The tangible quality of holding and manipulating the device seems to ground the footage in a way that viewing it in post on a laptop screen doesn't. All in all, this makes editing and choosing footage from a laptop screen feel a bit disconnected from the final form. Should one keep building the app with new footage, each time a clip needs to be scanned for it's usability? This method would be time consuming. 

Selecting "good" footage is not influenced by the structure of its playback, but also by the hurdles in its creation: what can we salvage from a shoot that didn't go as anticipated? Now is the time to regroup and reconsider our approach. Therefore, the final version of the first two chapters of Penumbra will end up looking completely different than their scripts, drafts and planning notes. On paper they worked but when edited in light of our form and project structure. . . the conventional structure of the script paired with POV made the material feel too heavy. It will be interesting to see what material will be kept from this shoot. I suspect my next posts about Chap. 1 & 2 will be about our strategy forward rather than an analysis of past hurdles. There were two hurdles that have shaped how we edit the first two chapters. These hurdles are large influences because they inevitably will force us to reshape and reconsider our interface to accentuate the strengths of the footage.

There are two reasons we must reconsider the footage and our interface

1. Writing Conventions of Standard Cinematic Dialog at Odds with our Form

2.  Challenges of Acting for POV and Role Fit.

First Post/Post Casting/Pre Script

First post. I am writing this blog as a working chronicle of all production aspects of Penumbra (working title). The goal is to better understand what the project is and how it may resonate as a cultural object through the process of its own creation and written reflection on that process. Eventually and additionally, I would also like to chronicle/expose the "nuts and bolts" of how two independent artists may operate or work within a proprietry or closed system: specifically Apple's App Economy. This project is an entirely separate (yet companion) piece to the work itself. This blog will cover a range of aspects relevant to the project ranging from theoretical implications to practical distribution challenges. The end desire is to be transparent about our process, help produce a fertile and reciprocal loop of reflection/creation, and potentially serve as a resource for other artists interested in DIY Digital Publishing in the App Economy.

This is the first post, but in reality, I probably should have been doing this for the last formative years of the project. I am especially interested in chronicling how we have pushed the boundaries of our comfort zones. This treading into new territory is especially useful as it allows us to better understand where/how we have modified the project due to inexperience, failure or experimentation. From here on out, I will try to be as faithful to failure as possible.
There are many debates we have had over the "shiny topics" of interface/design/interaction and the like. These debates will certainly surface. However, this blog will likely reflect more of my current project: fine-tuning and writing the remaining content. Since writing and technology intimately inform each other, those subjects will not be far away. But, now it is time to focus on the "writerly" aspects of the project such as voice & character. Much of the writing done after May will attempt to capture the voice of the protagonist that our readers experience through his POV and thoughts. The readers are a "privileged guest" in his mind. Many of the challenges that arise will evince that my writing style is completely different than the natural voice of the character I am writing for. I am intrigued by the overlap of this challenge from the traditional print world with the challenge of writing for/with/in digital interfaces from the digital literature realm (a realm that seems largely niche unto itself and is still unfamiliar in print circuits)

Typically, I practice "free writes" that evolve into short edited pieces that are fretted over in close poetic absorption with the placement and appropriateness of each character. Paradoxically, this project goes against both inclinations. In industry publishing (the rate of technological change and platform evolution) I don't have NEARLY as much time as I would like to spend on fretting over editing. However, I can also not write as loose and freeform as I am custom to in the initial stages of a text: interface constraints often demand that writing needs to be minimal, dialog needs to be controlled. I’m sure when we get on set next week for our first shoot, things will take a life of their own and the original scripts will have to be abandoned (part practicality, part sense of the moment). But, I’m doing my best in trying to corral these characters. Of course, they have elaborate backstories and every part of the project has been carefully mapped out. We’ve spent a long time building their world to get to this point. Yet, in reality, the audience/readership may only pick up on 25% percent of this. As a creator of this, I have to be fine with this. I think I am. The idea is that it informs the rest of how the narrative unfolds (however speculative, however winding). Working with media, I’ve become accustomed and comfortable in the inevitability of loss.

Read more for Casting the Protagonist, James.

Rough drafts of the opening scenes are due today to my project advisor Mary Sweeney. I am very thankful for Mary and how she is helping me flesh out the characters and backstory. This element will definitely steep into the design and project functionality as well. Mary is an ideal mentor since much of the story has to do with the uncertainty of memories, longing and dream states. I feel most comfortable as a writer when I enter into a state of “flow” or when I am able to absorb material and mimicking its tone. This exercise is unlike anything I’ve ever done. I am trying to get “close” to industry formatting, but I know in the real world my script would not fly. It doesn't adhere to conventions, but perhaps it should't. It sits somewhere between spec script and shooting script and aims to describe to both myself and Danny how I visualize blocking (since I primarily write from visual flashes). Since I promised to be fair to failure, I will probably post the first run of this scene at a later date.

The realities of production and the loss that it sometimes promotes isn't entirely a loss. At times, it can be a gain because of the way it roots me in the characters and teaches me to ache for them in the way I need to if we are to channel something human and lasting in a very distracting market of apps. This is the challenge, and potential impossibility, that I love. It has the potential to fail so spectacularly, but hopefully succeed well. It’s a question, I think, why have we spent the last two years of our life on potential failure? I think it is because we believe in what we are doing and hope that it can be a dent in exploding the novel or the kinds of work (gimmicks, simple emulations of print on screen) we saw produced in the early stages of the literary app market/ipad release.  Of course it is always disheartening when larger teams are able to get something that is closer to what we hoped out before us (we are both currently full-time graduate students), but we just have to have faith in our project/process and believe in the value of the exercise.

I've sat with James as he evolved for at least a year. Casting him was no small feat. We just went through a very difficult week of casting. It was the first time that both of us had engaged in this process and we had over 600 people reply. I want to write a separate post on the process and why it felt both dehumanizing and illuminating. I think there is something there to explore.

We finally picked our James: the identity that is the cornerstone for the whole experiment. Fortunately, he was an unanimous pick for the both of us. He has both the look and quiet intensity to carry the character and emotional register forward. We have such a tight/rushed schedule (we start shooting next weekend!), but I think I feel very good about this choice. It was so great to hear him read some of the more poetic passages that James speaks in his internal world. It was the first time I’ve ever listened to someone else reading my writing. At that moment, the character became more real for me.